Introducing Technology in Therapy Could Help Couples Strengthen Connections
The stigma around therapy has lessened in recent years, to the point that attending therapy is now being flagged in dating profiles, especially amongst Gen Z individuals, to indicate that they have done or are doing the work to cultivate a deep level of self-awareness. Therapy is coming to be understood as a marker for focusing on self-improvement and emotional well-being.
Even so, there remains a reticence around couples’ therapy. For some this is due to the fear of judgment if a person indicates that a relationship that they hold dear is in need of “fixing.” Despite the benefits afforded by attending therapy proactively, most couples initiate sessions when faced with turmoil. Simply deciding to see a couples therapist is inherently more challenging than beginning individual therapy, as two people both must feel ready to open up, be vulnerable, and potentially expose some cracks and deep truths.
When I talk to partners who are hesitant to begin couples therapy, many admit that even if they have experience with individual work, they are unsure of what the therapeutic space will look like. They are concerned about the therapist taking sides and worry about losing control over the direction therapy will take, as there is another person involved in influencing the trajectory of the sessions. Many also experience anxiety about sharing their pain points in front of the person they love in fear of hurting them, fracturing the relationship, or simply making things worse.
For those who are hesitant, the use of technology may be exactly what’s needed. I want to be clear that a mental health app or any other form of technology is not a replacement for therapy and should never be considered if a person is experiencing a deep level of distress or is in crisis. In these cases, it is imperative to seek out a trained and highly skilled mental health clinician.
However, for those who have yet to get their partner on board or are interested in working with their partner to acclimate themselves to the types of topics they will be exploring in therapy, the support of an app can be extremely helpful.
Using a relationship app may prompt important conversations around topics that have previously gone unexplored, therefore encouraging a level of closeness and understanding that could prevent problems from arising down the road.
Technology in two camps
There seem to be two camps when it comes to the use of technology in the relationship and mental health spaces: those who wholeheartedly support it and those who are vehemently against it.
Those in the latter camp warn about the impact “doom scrolling” can have on mental health and how the gamification of so many apps can lead to behavioral addictions and decision fatigue. “Technoference,” a term coined by researchers B. T. McDaniel and S. M. Coyne, describes situations in which technology creates interruptions in couple interactions or time spent together. This is basically the academic translation of phubbing, in which one person gets phone-snubbed by their partner, who is focusing more on the device than them.
The stakes are even higher when it comes to AI, as detractors alert us to the dangers of misinformation, the fear of it replacing real-life trained professionals, and a dependence on an entity that is not an appropriate substitute for human interaction.
It’s not technology in and of itself that is problematic, but rather the way it is utilized. Yes, technology can impede interactions. It can also facilitate a connection between members of a couple. It all depends on how you use it.
When used with prudence, there are so many benefits to incorporating technology into the relationship and mental health spaces. Technology provides access to education and care. People can get information about symptoms they are experiencing as well as the pain points they are dealing with, both individually and interpersonally. This can normalize an experience and provide materials and interventions needed to tackle challenges.
Through technology, people who are hesitant to reach out about their struggles are given the opportunity to remain anonymous and connect to resources in the privacy of their own spaces, which can be reassuring and instill a sense of comfort. Many apps offer resources intended to educate users about healthy and unhealthy relationships, as well as to introduce different therapeutic modalities and interventions. Additionally, users are encouraged to answer assessments that help to track progress and relationship satisfaction over time.
Technology affords users the opportunity to access information and support in real time, at their convenience, and as such may reduce barriers to receiving care. Technology can create community and instill a sense of calm and strength, by enabling people to access what they need when they need it, allowing them to take control of their health, well-being, and relationships.
Deepening our partnerships
In my studies and practice, I have seen that people crave ways to enhance their relationships and engage their partners in the process. This is where I see the real benefit of using technology and AI. Again, it must be said that it is important to carefully examine the research that has gone into the development of the tool that you are using, as it is imperative that the information is grounded in research and scientifically sound theories.
The relationship tech space has evolved dramatically in recent years. Consider apps like Maia and Paired, which were developed to move beyond dating or the formation of an initial connection to foster a deeper bond between partners. These apps are useful for individuals who are interested in exploring relationship-related topics, but have an even more profound impact when couples pair and engage in facilitated conversations. I’ve been fortunate to work on several projects that partner with clinicians and academics in the relationship space to curate interactive and engaging content based on common pain points that couples face.
Psychoeducational resources, such as information on communication or attachment styles, can benefit users by increasing their level of self-awareness and deepening their understanding as to how they show up in their relationships. Many apps also incorporate quizzes, which encourage partners to test their knowledge of one another’s worlds and can enhance our understanding of our loved ones.
Likewise, prompts invite partners to engage in difficult conversations that are often avoided, such as those around future goals, finances, and values. By facilitating communication centering on these topics, the apps help partners navigate topics that are important to address in long-term relationships and assist those who are not in therapy to navigate difficult terrain with guidance.
Apps that incorporate AI have pushed the envelope further, as well-trained models can engage users in interactive conversations about their relationships, gently probing partners to go deeper and reflect on the multitude of factors that influence their beliefs, emotions, and views on love and connection. These conversations can also help users gain a better understanding as to how their own lives and lived experiences impact their relationships. As these apps continue to become more interactive and more customized, their potential impact grows.
At its most basic level, the use of an app to strengthen relationships can serve to demonstrate to partners that they are both present, both engaged, and both willing to do the work of creating and strengthening a lifelong, loving, and fulfilling bond.
