Singer Bebe Rexha’s recent song “Jealous” hits on an all too common relationship and mental-health threat for women today: their partner’s porn habit.

In just the first few lines of the song, it’s clear Rexha is addressing the common feeling of lower self-image many women report after learning their partner looks for and watches hypersexualized depictions of women in online porn or other media.

Baby, I'm jealous / Went from beautiful to ugly / ’Cause insecurity told me you don’t love me / All it takes is a girl above me / On your timeline to make me nothing.

In the song’s lyrics, Rexha targets different aspects of how women are depicted unrealistically, whether in TV shows or pornography.

I’m jealous / Of the pictures that you like . . . . / Of the girls with lighter eyes / Waste trainer for a tinier waist / But I can’t help it if I like the way food taste / This is me, a woman in dichotomy / I love me, until I don’t.

But lest there be any doubt she’s referring to online porn, Rexha sings a #sorrynotsorry line, “My apologies for looking on your history.”

Jealous of your partner’s porn use?

If the lyrics of Rexha’s song resonate with you, it’s because many women experience a sense of betrayal not unlike cheating when they hear their partner seeks pictures of other women.

Pornography has become one of the factors cited most frequently by divorcing couples as having damaged their relationship. Despite it being a taboo subject, it’s no surprise given how many women value a sense of exclusivity in a relationship, which porn use can damage.

Porn use has also been associated with a perception of women as less than men, which can lead to relationship problems. It doesn’t help in the bedroom either. Excessive porn use has been found to correlate with difficulty for men in becoming aroused by real women. And there’s reason to believe porn is contributing to problems of sexual aggression, since a majority of porn has been found to depict aggressive sexual behavior as alluring. “Viewing pornography can affect not only a man’s sexual aggressiveness but also his commitment to a relationship,” author Matt Fradd wrote in an article for Verily.

Some partners of porn users feel that to maintain the relationship, it is worth trying to consume porn together. But real women’s stories as well as brain science reveal that viewing porn together is more like sharing an unhealthy drug habit than participating in relationship-building activities that value each partner.

Finding a path forward

In Rexha’s song, it ends with a choice to move on from the relationship.

He got freedom to chase what he likes / . . . . But he ain’t even worth none of your time.

Sometimes, when a woman shares her concerns with her partner about porn use, it can be an opportunity like any other conversation, for the partner to respect her concerns and adjust behavior to show he values the relationship. There are articles that offer insight on how to begin thinking about your partner’s porn use, and how to ask them about it in a non-judgmental way, while sharing your feelings and needs.

As porn use has become viewed as a somewhat common or harmless activity, it’s refreshing to hear Bebe Rexha’s tune share a relatable take that is heard far less frequently in mainstream narratives.