Ah, the dating game.
It’s supposedly a game of love, but it can become a game of love-hate-swipe-meh as we wrestle with what our hearts, heads, and apps tell us (and you’ve probably noticed: They don’t always agree).
Whatever your relationship status is at the moment, based on your personality, you’ll most likely have certain inclinations—both good and, yes, bad. That’s right, as endearing as our characteristic little quirks are, they can also inspire some pretty bad dating behavior.
Research conducted by mother-daughter team Katharine Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers shows that all people fall into one of sixteen different personalities, expressed by four pairs of traits: directing and receiving energy (introversion vs. extroversion), taking in information (intuiting vs. sensing), making decisions (feeling vs. thinking), and approaching the outside world (judging vs. perceiving). Our Myers-Briggs personality type can offer clues as to how we might shine in romantic relationships—but also how we might be prone to certain faux pas.
It’s a good idea to tame your inner heartbreaker by avoiding these lousy dating habits common among your particular Myers-Briggs personality type.
Do any of these Myers-Briggs types sound like you?
Definition: Skipping the flirtations and abruptly getting straight to the point.
You don’t waste time with matters of the heart. Taking a no-nonsense approach to relationships, you jump right in to super-deep discussions—which can be a little intimidating at best and completely off-putting at worst. I know small talk isn't your thing, but maybe keep things a little light by flirting and making those quippy remarks you're so good at, before getting down to business.
Definition: Prioritizing logical reasoning over emotional needs.
You’re a practical partner and a loyal lover once you're committed, but sensitivity isn't your thing, especially when it comes to your significant other’s feelings. So stop talking about how non-logical love is, and focus a bit more on enjoying the romance and keeping it alive.
Definition: Staying in a dead-end relationship out of breakup fear.
Never one for casual flings, you are OK with waiting for the right guy. But you may postpone a breakup since you hate confrontation and prioritize harmony. Be conscientious of your time (and his time) and don’t draw out the inevitable.
Definition: Ignoring anyone who doesn’t match your Prince Charming ideal.
You’re a hopeless romantic and know your soulmate is out there somewhere. But your dream guy vision can make you unwilling to take risks. Keep your standards, but be open to realistic matches.
Definition: Ending a relationship abruptly when you realize it’s not forever.
Confident in your intuition, your decisiveness could come across as inconsiderate if you blindside him with a breakup. Be extra aware of your delivery and timing when you end things, as nothing is more dangerous than a spurned ex.
Definition: Having a main man but still playing the field.
Your witty and spirited personality make you an exciting partner. To avoid falling into a boring relationship, you may keep a few going—just in case. So be honest with your guy and be sure he knows what's going on.
Definition: Constantly checking in to see how he feels.
Empathetic and in tune with your own emotions, you might ask him a few times too many what his feelings are, where the relationship stands, etc. This is great for getting ahead of any relationship problems, but it can sometimes cause tension when it feels like too much probing.
Definition: Leading someone on with zero intentions of following through.
Charming and inclusive to everyone, you may unintentionally lead guys on even if you aren’t remotely interested. Try to draw a line between your friendliness and flirtiness to make your interest (or disinterest) clear.
Definition: Putting his needs before your own—to a fault.
Thoughtful and selfless, you are extremely dependable and fully invest in your relationships. However, by sometimes hiding your true feelings from your S.O., you can push aside your own needs, which can then later cause you to burst in frustration, making you look needy. Remember to be initially straight-forward about what you need before you cause confusion.
Definition: Keeping him a safe distance until you’re sure he checks all the boxes.
Practical to a fault, it can be hard for you to put the checklist aside. Sometimes, you send friends-only vibes until you're sure he's meeting all your prerequisites. Or sometimes you entirely miss the fact he might be interested, and accidentally friend-zone a potential suitor. Don’t be afraid to open your mind to the possibilities of romance, even if it comes unexpectedly.
Definition: Refusing to integrate the person you're seeing into your normal life.
Your passion and independence stimulate your relationships. Taking longer to warm up to exclusivity, however, you like keeping your options open—and don't necessarily want the guy that you're seeing to be included in other parts of your life, at least not yet. Don’t take too long, though. Keeping it low-key is one thing, a straight-up secret is something else.
Definition: Running away when you feel forced to commit.
You’re an intriguing enigma who keeps the surprises coming. Although you’re a sensitive individual open to serious relationships, you guard your emotional core carefully, and might have the tendency to run instead of vocalizing need for more time before you sprint out of fear long-term planning.
Definition: Waiting around for him to make the first move.
You may have a set idea about how your man will pursue you. Desiring clarity and social validation, you want to confirm that he is willing to go the distance. (Bumble might not be your jam.) It’s all well and good to want him to kick things off, but don’t be too stubborn about it. Women can start the spark, too!
Definition: Disappearing when the honeymoon phase ends.
You live for fun and adventure, bringing joyous generosity to all your relationships. But your fun-loving self freaks out when conflict shows up. Use your optimism to tackle trouble and give clarification rather than fleeing in fear.
Definition: Bringing up the DTR convo a little too soon.
Direct and opinionated with strong values, keeping that je ne sais quoi and mystery in the beginning stages can drive you absolutely insane. Table your intensity just a little, and let both of your feelings grow naturally before you start a confrontational "where is this going" conversation before things have a chance to bloom.
Definition: Swinging from relationship to relationship without taking a break.
Attracting admirers with your positivity and exuberance, you have your pick of gentlemen. Outgoing and fun, you probably don't mind having a continuous stream of suitors, but you usually leave when things get "boring." Long-term commitment may not come naturally to you, but remember that the best part of relationships happens after the honeymoon period fades and things get real. At a certain point it's important to think past the day-to-day.