"How can I get him to commit?" is by far the most popular question I hear from dating women. The answer to this question is simple: first, you have to tell him what you want.
Getting clarity is the first step towards a committed relationship, but too many women suffer silently while their guy happily leaves things as the status quo. Now, moving on is a perfectly good option if you are just over it. But if you really like the guy and feel he could benefit from a little direction, telling him what you want and need is an empowering a healthy way to go about things.
So here's the real question: how do you go about telling a guy you need clarity and commitment? Here are four tips for being super classy and still getting the clarity you need.
01. Don’t make it a big deal.
I know it feels like a big deal because he is driving you crazy with all this ambiguity. I mean, are you actually dating or not? But even though it feels like a big deal to you, best to play it cool when you talk to him. Rather than texting him, "We need to talk," wait until he pulls something noncommittal and make your point straightforward. Something playful yet cut-the-crap, such as, "Hey, yeah, I would like to see that movie, but is this a date?" should do the trick. Ideally, nipping any ambiguity in the bud earlier on keeps it from becoming a big talk later on.
02. Tell him what you like and what you don’t like.
There is no way around it, telling your guy you are unhappy with the status quo is going to feel like a personal criticism. He is a big boy and he can handle it, but the conversation will go better if you lead with a genuine compliment. "Listen, I really enjoy spending time with you, but the lack of clarity here is really killing my buzz," or something like that will let him know you like him (not obsessed with him), but he needs to step it up—namely by letting you know what his intentions are.
03. Make it clear that you are not asking him, you are telling him.
It's important to communicate to your guy that you aren't begging him, you are letting him know that you don't tolerate wishy-washy behavior. That being said, don't view this as an ultimatum—you are setting clear boundaries, not making threats.
Say something like, "I am really enjoying getting to know you, but I can't continue to go out with you if you are not interested in a committed relationship." You don't have to say "If you don't commit then I will leave." You are just being very clear about what you can and cannot do and he will get the picture.
04. Leave the ball in his court.
Once you have been clear with him about what you want, the ball is back in his court . . . where, arguably, it should have been all along. You have told him what you want, and he has to decide if he can give that to you. In most cases, offering a little clarity should be an easy solution. Most guys will say something like, "Oh, I didn't know we needed to define the relationship," or something like that. Guys like nonverbal communication and sometimes they don't realize that it doesn't fly like that with women.
If, on the other hand, he hems and haws and complains about how defining things cramps his style, you know what to do. You already told him that it can't continue in this ambiguous way. So tell him OK and walk away. How’s that for nonverbal communication?
Photo Credit: Cynthia Chung