One of my best friends is a complete extrovert: She’s talkative, outgoing, popular, and flirty. In high school, it seemed she always had the adoring attention of all the guys. I often compared my introverted self to her, thinking, “I need to be like her if I ever want to find love.”
But are introverts really at a natural disadvantage when it comes to dating? Not at all.
Introverts get a bad rap for being shy and lacking the social skills necessary for meeting and connecting with new people, but we introverts know that simply is not true. The truth is, being an introvert can actually be a huge advantage when it comes to dating. In her article published by Psychology Today, Sophia Dembling writes, “The reality is that you are not competing with extroverts for attention. Extroverts and introverts are apples and oranges. Extroverts sparkle, introverts glow. Extroverts are fireworks, introverts a fire in the hearth. Extroverts attract people who like razzle-dazzle, introverts attract people who want to bask in your warmth.”
Here are four serious advantages introverts have in the dating world.
01. You shine on first dates.
Large crowds tend to overwhelm introverts, but we have a gift for forming one-on-one relationships with others. A date is a perfect opportunity for your connecting skills to shine because you can spend one-on-one time really getting to know the other person.
Introverts thrive on depth and intimacy in relationships, which means you are more likely to guide boring small talk into discussions of more important topics, such as values, beliefs, and goals. It's hard to build intimacy on conversations about the weather, and introverts understand that better than anyone!
02. You don’t rush into things.
Introverts are more likely to be introspective, which means they take the time to really take in the world around them and think things through. In dating, this means you are more likely to take the time to truly get to know and understand your date before you make any kind of a commitment beyond date number two.
Rather than jumping into things quickly, we introverts take the time to analyze and discern whether a date can turn into something more. Sometimes we might fall into the trap of analysis paralysis, but more often than not our power to discern our true feelings leads us to pursue the relationships that are going to last.
03. Every bad date is a learning experience.
Another major strength of introspection is the ability to be self-reflective. This can come in handy when trying to figure out what to do or not to do when dating.
Relationship coach Jordan Gray said, “Introverts have a much easier time self-reflecting, realizing what they did wrong, and admitting to it openly.” A woman who can acknowledge when she us wrong and learn from her mistakes? Sounds like great girlfriend material to me!
04. You know the best way to leave a good impression.
Listening is probably one of the most important qualities in dating, and introverts naturally have that skill down pat. On a date, the other person will feel heard and understood because you love to listen, and i you are dating an extrovert, your listening skills will make him shine. So tune into your date’s interests, and let them know you are listening. It’s what you do best and it will always leave a good impression.
Dating isn’t just a game for the extroverts. We introverts have more to offer than we usually get credit for. Let your introversion glow on the dating scene, knowing that being you is a clear advantage.
Photo Credit: Ryan Flynn