Guy meets Girl. Guy is attracted to Girl. Girl is attracted to Guy. And then... nothing. No date. What's a girl to do?
Some women prefer to skip the drama and quite literally “cut to the chase” and ask him out. As was discussed on this very blog last week, many women like to let him know they're interested and give him a green light to pursue. Other women just write the guy off and move on.
One thing these women probably had in common: completely overanalyzing every interaction with said Guy.
I shudder to think of all the time I have wasted agonizing about whether Mr. Totally Into Me was actually into me or not. After all, we women know when men are interested in us. My girlfriends and I refer to this feminine intuition as our “Spidey-Senses” and it is never wrong… or is it?
A revelation came to me about two years ago, when I met yet another Mr. Totally Into Me. My “Spidey-Senses” in fine tune, I determined that he was attracted to me and lo and behold there was a date! The glitch was, the date was not with me. Mr. Totally Into Me asked a lovely girl on a date, a girl who could not be more different from me.
And then it hit me: perhaps a man can be attracted to you and not interested in pursuing a relationship.
It is completely sane for men to have more criterion for pursuing women than mere attraction. Certainly, it would be wrong if a man pursued every woman to whom he is attracted, particularly if the woman was married. Not to mention, he would probably have to quit his day job.
While I am sure my revelation seems obvious to men, I continue to share it with my girlfriends and it always seems to settle in like some distant reminder of something they once knew.
Perhaps when we think we’re asking, “What’s wrong with him?” we’re really asking, “What’s wrong with me?” The truth is, I could be a vision of female perfection, I may be giving him all the right signals, yet the man may not pursue me. This seemingly inconsistent behavior does not mean that he is a fool or that I am unattractive; rather, he may be a discerning man who has the self knowledge to differentiate between attraction and that “something” more.
Now whenever I begin criticizing Mr. Totally Into Me for missing his cue, I check my pride and give him the benefit of the doubt. I simply ask myself one question: is he pursuing me? If the answer is no, then he is just a man who is attracted to a woman which is, as I understand it, about as unique as a moth drawn to a flame.
So I have stopped worrying about the guys who are attracted to me and have turned my attention solely to the men who pursue me--no more psychoanalysis, no more prideful wound licking.
(Photo by Maria Ramirez Parreno)