4 Clues That You're Just Not That Into Him

He deserves to be spending time with someone who can return his interest.
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Monica Gabriel Marshall
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He deserves to be spending time with someone who can return his interest.
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Art Credit: Taylor McCutchan

Let's be real: It feels really good to have a man interested in you. And it's natural to want to make it work with a great guy who is doing everything right. Even if, well, we just aren't that into it.

So we go for dates two, three, and four and are giving ourselves pep talks the whole way. We should absolutely give nice guys a chance, especially if our only beef is that they just don't quite fit into that tall, dark, and handsome mold.  Sure, sometimes we just have a lot to juggle, sometimes our phone really did die, and sometimes our girlfriend had a crisis and an emergency movie night was needed. But there comes a time when holding onto a guy that you're lukewarm about is just plain selfish. He deserves to be spending time with someone who can return his interest—and you should be giving the other ladies a chance!

Here are four clues that likely mean it’s time to stop dragging on the inevitable and end the relationship.

01. You're fixated on the non-essentials.

So maybe he has a receding hairline, can’t dress to save his soul, or his middle is a little soft? But we all know that stuff doesn't matter as much when we like the guy. The truth is that hair loss, a misguided sense of style, and a beer belly affect most men at some point in their lives. In the end, if you were really interested. that stuff just wouldn’t matter. Best to call it what it is instead of stalling with those things that really aren’t impediments at all.

02. You forgot to tell your friends about him.

There are only two reasons you don’t tell your friends about a guy you are dating. Either you don’t want to be considered “off the market,” or it just plain slipped your mind. Both of these reasons are a sign that you’re feeling lukewarm about the new relationship. If you are excited about this guy, why should you care if other guys hear about it? And when has your crazy work schedule ever made you forget about a guy you are truly into?

03. You're fuzzy on the details.

What are his sibling’s names? Does he like his job? What does he like doing on the weekends? If you don’t know these answers and you have been on two or more dates with him, you were probably too busy wondering if his mom bought him that shirt or if he picked it out himself. Let’s face it, when we are into a guy we want to know what makes him tick. We ask questions and we store it for sorting later.

04. You're frustrated when he wants your time. 

We are reminded in He's Just Not That Into You that when a man is interested in you, he will go out of his way to spend time with you. When a woman is interested in a man, the same rule applies. We talk big, telling our friends we need a man to respect our space. But if we are excited about a guy, his texts and phone calls are always either anxiously anticipated or a welcome surprise. If you'd rather turn your phone on silent, it's probably not going to get better.

If any or all of these clues sound familiar, it's time to be a woman of action. Tough decisions must be made, and I don't envy your position. You are probably dragging this out because he is a really nice guy and you should totally be into him. But you know what? You're not and that's okay! Do him the courtesy of telling him you are not interested, clearly and kindly. If you're at a loss for words, saying the two of you are "not a good fit" is usually the kindest and most truthful way to phrase it. And rest assured that you're helping not hurting—he deserves to date someone who's into him, too.